We've spent the past few conversations exploring the our ability to reach beyond our defaults and norms from the perspective of those who struggle to feel good about ourselves, or don't find it easy to trust or bet on ourselves.
However, there exists another extreme at the other end of the spectrum. A word that is hotly debated in terms of its worth, as well as how much an overdose of it can be highly problematic in our lives.
And that word is EGO.
The idea of our ego is highly polarizing. It's hard to hear the word without immediately flinching at an imaginary boardroom supervillain whose ego steamrolls every single person around them ... or those bad first dates where you spend 3 hours listening to someone talk about how amazing they are, without them ever asking you a single question.
⚡ Related: What Is Beyond Your Default? (The Start of the Journey)
But the reality is that our ego is meant to play a critical role for us mere mortals, when it comes to our psychology. It's the "I" lens through which our life experiences are filtered through – it's how we establish our sense of self. It's only when it's unchecked that we can potentially start running amok in our own lives (and, potentially, the lives of others).
So, that's what we're going to tackle in today's episode – the curious case of the good ego vs. the bad ego, how to know when you've gone too far, and what to do when you realize you've grown too big for your britches. George also shares a powerful story involving a motorcycle you won't want to miss.
When you hear the word "ego," what first comes to mind? What are the accurate or flawed assumptions we make about the word?
Why does this conversation matter so much when it comes to the idea of living beyond your default?
What is the difference between good ego and bad ego? When does our ego play a vital role in our psychology?
How do you think well-meaning folks end up trapped on the wrong side of the ego spectrum? Even with the best of intentions, it can happen!
What value does your ego still hold for you in every day life ... when you're on the right side of the spectrum?
How do you bounce back from trips down the wrong side of ego lane?
How do you keep yourself in check now when it comes to your ego? Are there certain questions we ask ourselves to keep ourselves centered?
"...ego, in psychoanalytic theory, that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception. It is said to be the part that remembers, evaluates, plans, and in other ways is responsive to and acts in the surrounding physical and social world.
According to psychoanalytic theory, the ego coexists with the id (said to be the agency of primitive drives) and superego (considered to be the ethical component of personality) as one of three agencies proposed by Sigmund Freud in description of the dynamics of the human mind."
This was a controversial piece during our conversation, and you can expect this from time to time. We believe it's important to share diverging viewpoints, so that we can share our honest opinions and showcase alternative perspectives you may find enlightening or thought-provoking.
"A pervasive psychological and spiritual assumption holds that ego is a problem we must overcome. Transcend ego. Become selfless, or as the Buddhists say, drop your ego. You can hear its influence in the way people get defensive when accused of being egotistical, as though that means they’re somehow deficient souls, shallow, even evil.
Couple this cultural norm with the growing concern that social media is making egomaniacs out of us with our virtue signaling, selfies, and our endless quest for likes. A lot of hand-wringing these days about vanity as though egotism is bad. Just say no to ego. I think trying to purge ego is a fool’s errand. To some degree or other, we all have our vanity, even delusions of grandeur. No one is selfless and it's absurd to pretend we could be."
"In recent years, Heidi Wayment and her colleagues have been developing a 'quiet ego' research program grounded in Buddhist philosophy and humanistic psychology ideals, and backed by empirical research in the field of positive psychology. Paradoxically, it turns out that quieting the ego is so much more effective in cultivating well-being, growth, health, productivity, and a healthy, productive self-esteem, than focusing so loudly on self-enhancement.
To be clear, a quiet ego is not the same thing as a silent ego. Squashing the ego so much that it loses its identity entirely does not do yourself or the world any favors. Instead, the quiet ego perspective emphasizes balance and integration. As Wayment and colleagues put it, 'The volume of the ego is turned down so that it might listen to others as well as the self in an effort to approach life more humanely and compassionately.'"