Everyone has a different relationship with the concept of fear; our own lived experiences shape what kind of role it plays in our lives, as well as how large that role is. Regardless of where on the spectrum we fall with fear, the one thing all we humans have in common is that, fear can all too easily become a destructive force in our lives if we're not careful.
The challenge, of course, is that (in the heat of those moments) imagined fears can feel all too real. Fear doesn't come from nowhere, right? We learn to be afraid – right or wrong – through life's trials and tribulations, millennia of biological programming as humans, and (in some cases) real-life traumas that can take years to work through.
⚡ Related: The Power of Language to Shape Our Destiny
In some cases, the fear we experience in our lives can come from traumatic experiences or relationships that can take years (even decades) to acknowledge, understand, and overcome. I'll be honest, as I share in this episode, fear is something I struggle with for this precise reason.
Before you know it, those moments of crippling doubt and paralyzing anxiety can transition like lightning from a temporary dance with an imagined boogeyman that we move through, to a self-destructive halt in our lives – keeping us confined to "the devil we know," the "default" state that keeps us from truly living. Instead of moving forward, we succumb to fear-driven stories that keep us trapped.
This deeply personal and nuanced topic is an important one to have, which is why we knew we had to talk about it. The path each of us walks with fear is a deeply personal one, with certain fears sometimes easier to overcome than others. Let's at least take this first step together, as one.
When was the last time you were afraid to a degree that resulted in self-sabotage or complete paralysis?
How would you define your relationship with fear today?
One of my favorite things George says about FEAR is actually an acronym: "False Evidence Appearing Real" – and we talk about what that means!
Why is it important for us to understand how easy it is to succumb to fear?
While there are obviously nuances to how everyone should approach fear in their own lives, based on their experiences, what are some of the ways in which you address bouts of fear in the moment when they come up?
Why is the language we use to talk about fear to ourselves so important to moving through fear?
How does trauma factor into this discussion, where more than simple self-talk exercises are required to move through the fear traumas can create?
Ever felt a sudden tightness or surge of energy centered in your upper chest and wondered if it's fear or excitement? You're not alone. Physiologically, fear manifests in specific ways—often in the upper chest. This is your body's way of alerting you to something important. Don't brush it off; take time to understand it.
Question it. Weigh it. Position it. George talks through his three-step approach to mastering fear. It's a powerful grounding exercise that allows you to observe and move through fears rather than letting them consume you. Often, simply asking yourself, "Why?" can have immediate positive effects.
Fear can either be your ally or your adversary. The choice is yours. The next time fear creeps in, remember: to question it, weigh it, and decide its role in your life. Transform your fear into an emotional GPS, guiding you toward opportunities and away from pitfalls.
Not all fears are detrimental. Good fear serves as a motivator or a directional signal guiding you toward or away from certain situations. Bad fear, however, is often cloaked in doubt and holds you back from achieving your full potential. Recognizing the nature of your fear is the first step in mastering it.
Fear as a Guide: View fear not as a stop sign but as a guidepost directing you toward growth.
Critical Self-Inquiry: Be willing to question and examine your fears rather than accepting them at face value.
Embrace Discomfort: See discomfort as a prerequisite for growth and development.
Rational Over Emotional: Use logic to assess and manage your fears, rather than getting swept up in emotional reactions.
Regular Self-Assessment: Regularly take stock of what you're afraid of and why.
Preparedness Over Panic: Instead of panicking, prepare. Know your "what-ifs" and "how-tos."
Seek Support: Don't be afraid to consult with trusted individuals in your life when you're dealing with fears.
Stay Informed: Knowledge is power. Educate yourself to lessen the unknown variables that contribute to fear.
Clarity Over Confusion: Always seek clarity, especially when dealing with complex emotions like fear.
Action Over Inaction: The antidote to fear is often taking action.
Growth Over Fixed Mindset: Embrace a growth mindset where challenges, like fear, are opportunities for development.
Wisdom Over Ignorance: Consider that facing and understanding your fears might be the path to gaining wisdom.
Journal Your Fears: Write down your fears and dissect them. Ask why you have each fear and what you can learn from it.
Consult and Confide: Talk openly about your fears with trusted advisors or friends to get a fresh perspective.
Face a Small Fear: Tackle a manageable fear head-on to build your "fear muscle."
Implement a 3-Step Check: Use the "Question it, Weigh it, Position it" approach the next time you encounter fear.
Engage in Skill-Building: If your fear is based on a lack of knowledge or skill, take a course or read up on the subject.
This single chart has radically helped me recontextualize some of the emotions I experience, particularly those having to do with fear:
"Fear contagion is an evolutionarily old phenomenon that researchers observe in many animal species. It can serve a valuable survival function.
Imagine a herd of antelopes pasturing in the sunny African savanna. Suddenly, one senses a stalking lion. The antelope momentarily freezes. Then it quickly sets off an alarm call and runs away from the predator. In the blink of an eye, other antelopes follow.
Brains are hardwired to respond to threats in the environment. Sight, smell or sound cues that signal the presence of the predator automatically triggered the first antelope's survival responses: first immobility, then escape."
"Each of us has felt afraid, and we can all recognize fear in many animal species. Yet there is no consensus in the scientific study of fear. Some argue that “fear” is a psychological construct rather than discoverable through scientific investigation. Others argue that the term “fear” cannot properly be applied to animals because we cannot know whether they feel afraid. Studies in rodents show that there are highly specific brain circuits for fear, whereas findings from human neuroimaging seem to make the opposite claim.
Here I review the field and urge three approaches that could reconcile the debates. For one, we need a broadly comparative approach that would identify core components of fear conserved across phylogeny. This also pushes us towards the second point of emphasis: an ecological theory of fear that is essentially functional. Finally, we should aim even to incorporate the conscious experience of being afraid, reinvigorating the study of feelings across species."