"Our environment, the world in which we live and work, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations."
— Earl Nightingale
The expectations we set for ourselves not only dictate what we are able to achieve, they also impact our internal personal growth, as well as our happiness. However, there is such a thing as unhealthy expectations — and the act of setting expectations for yourself is akin to charting a course with clear markers toward success while acknowledging your limitations.
🌱 Go Deeper: Cultivating a home from within to create the home we seek without
Over the years, both George and I have learned that establishing healthy expectations that cultivate growth, self-trust, and confidence involves finding a delicate balance between ambition and reality. It's not about restraining your aspirations but about ensuring they are achievable and sustainable.
But it's also important to remember that peaks and valleys along the way, as you live out your expectations each and every day, are something we all encounter. You can't compare yourself to others, and we've both learned how important it is to focus on our own path, with clear boundaries around how much we let others influence us. Some days are better than others. Life is unpredictable, and setbacks are inevitable.
🌱 Go Deeper: Adopting an owner's mentality in your own life
Healthy expectations act as a buffer, fostering resilience and enabling you to navigate challenges with greater fortitude. But how do you create healthy expectations? How do you set yourself up for success with aspirational expectations that align with your values but don't set yourself up for failure? And how do you manage the deprogramming aspect you may need to undertake if you've struggled not to fall prey to unhealthy expectations — either self-imposed or imposed by others?
In this episode, George and I explore these questions and more. Because the expectations we set for ourselves and live by are so essential to walking the path beyond your default.
Why is setting expectations so important in your beyond your default journey?
How have the expectations you've set for yourself evolved or changed over the years? Do you expect more or less of yourself? Do you simply expect differently of yourself?
What are examples of expectations you hold for yourself now, and how did you choose them?
What's the difference between setting healthy and unhealthy expectations?
What are the best ways to strike a balance between the influence and input of others, and making the right choices for ourselves, when it comes to setting healthy expectations?
What is an exercise someone can do to develop the right set of expectations for themselves that challenge them to reach without setting them up to fail?
What do you do when you fall short of expectations? How do you get back up again?
When asked what someone can do to develop healthy expectations for themselves, George shared how important mindfulness, meditation, and journaling can be for this act of holistic self-discovery. The process for getting to know yourself should include:
Reflect on your past experiences, because before you can determine where you want to go, you need to define clearly where you right now and how you got here.
Align your expectations with your values and abilities, so you can root your expectations in your moral compass and your current competencies, skills, and reach.
Be realistic and flexible, and never forget that you're human. As we talked about on a previous episode, you should revere your own humanity and be kind to yourself on this journey.
Focus on effort, not just outcomes. Celebrate the journey you're taking, and remember showing up each and every day to try your best is a big win. Yes, outcomes matter, but so does your commitment.
Practice self-compassion, because you will not be perfect every single day. None of us are. Sometimes you will fall down. Sometimes you will make mistakes. That's OK. Be self-compassionate and keep going.
"I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you're not in this world to live up to mine."
— Bruce Lee
"If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you will never change the outcome." — Michael Jordan
"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality."
— Ralph Marston
"Our environment, the world in which we live and work, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations."
— Earl Nightingale
"I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values – and follow my own moral compass – then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own." — Michelle Obama
"To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves — there lies the great, singular power of self-respect." — Joan Didion
"Let your dreams outgrow the shoes of your expectations." — Ryunosuke Satoro
"The person who dumps garbage into your mind will do you considerably more harm than the person who dumps garbage on your floor, because each load of mind garbage negatively impacts your possibilities and lowers your expectations." — Zig Ziglar
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Colossians 3:23-24 NIV
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Good Ego vs. Bad Ego: What to Do When You Get Too Big for Your Britches
Unlocking Your Inner Power: Self-Love, Core Circles, + Spiritual Wisdom
Navigating the Starting Lines of Your Life + the Finish Line You Deserve