Honesty, Part I: Self-Deception + Dishonesty Within

Episode Transcript

Liz Moorehead (00:02.158)
Welcome back to Beyond Your Defaults. I'm your host, Liz Moorehead, and as always, I'm joined by George B. Thomas. George, how are you this morning?

George B. Thomas (00:07.763)
you

I'm doing good. Liz, how are you doing?

Liz Moorehead (00:12.911)
I'm doing great. It was a really nice, quiet, you know what, let's go right into lowlights and highlights from the weekend. I'm gonna start, I'm gonna start.

George B. Thomas (00:19.435)
okay, look, Melissa's like, no BS today, we're just gonna get right into it.

Liz Moorehead (00:25.743)
Well, I was about to sit here and start telling a story. I'm like, but wait, girl, that's your highlight. That's your highlight. So we're just gonna roll right into it. So my highlight from the weekend, George, I didn't have to see anybody this weekend. I had no plans. Well, I saw some humans, but there was no like, Liz, you have to be here. Liz, you gotta go do this thing. Because the weekend prior was really fun.

George B. Thomas (00:31.307)
Yeah, you should probably just get into it.

George B. Thomas (00:39.979)
No human interaction.

George B. Thomas (00:49.579)
Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (00:54.863)
but I had spent most of my time seeing other people, getting other stuff done, and it was, you know, it was good, but it was a travel weekend. And then this weekend was just quiet. Formula One was back, got to watch that, I made myself a little breakfast in bed, a little smoked salmon, a little mango. It was just overall, I know. I've been watching you with your new healthy recipes, and I actually ended up making like,

George B. Thomas (01:08.331)
Nice.

Ooh, healthy too.

George B. Thomas (01:21.227)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (01:23.727)
taking a try at one of those like bean bowls. Super good. But yeah, overall, my highlight is

George B. Thomas (01:26.187)
Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Liz Moorehead (01:34.287)
Just silence and chilling out.

George B. Thomas (01:36.587)
That's a good highlight.

Liz Moorehead (01:39.086)
Low light, I twisted my ankle. I know it's not too bad. It's not sprained or anything. But recently, you know, I've been trying to get my, I'm still, I used to have a really good working out routine when I lived in Connecticut because of the way my office was situated and also the fact that it was cooler weather. Now we are under a heat advisory.

George B. Thomas (01:43.659)
no!

George B. Thomas (01:47.883)
Right.

Liz Moorehead (02:06.19)
I've been doing a lot of work stuff and I was gonna use this weekend to really kind of get back into my routines. So I go to the gym and what do I do the first thing on the track? Tweak my ankle. Like, okay. I was feeling, do you ever have that George where you're feeling so pumped to get a new habit started or to restart a habit or something like that and then right out of the gate it's like, and you gotta sit your butt down. Yeah, that was me. So I'm fine, I'm not injured. I didn't have to go anywhere but it's just a little bit of,

George B. Thomas (02:15.403)
Hmm

George B. Thomas (02:24.523)
yeah.

George B. Thomas (02:28.395)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Liz Moorehead (02:35.31)
when I'm walking around this morning. So that's fine. It's fine.

George B. Thomas (02:37.035)
Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, I'll jump into mine. So a couple of highlights, actually. So one, I have to mention that one of my nephews came into town and so he was going to go to a concert, but he stayed at our house, went to the concert, and actually he's still here, maybe sleeping. But getting to see him and we took him, my girls, my wife out to

Mr. Tokyo's, which is an all you can eat sushi place. By the way, if you're a guy who's trying to eat healthy, a sushi place is a really great place to go. I had miso soup, I had crab salad, I had this avocado, like crab sushi roll. I didn't eat the rice, I ate the insides of the thing. And then I had a veggie only hibachi. Again, didn't eat the rice, but ate the veggies.

Liz Moorehead (03:08.556)
-huh.

George B. Thomas (03:34.411)
And I just was like, this is this is the most amazing place to go and actually be able to eat healthy. Even tried a little seaweed salad. Not I'm not a big fan. I I I hate half of it. I hate half of it. But I'm like, maybe not. Like, I'm kind of going nerdy with this healthy thing, but I don't know if I'm that level of nerdiness on this healthy thing. But who knows? We'll see. So that's that's a highlight. But another highlight is

Liz Moorehead (03:42.751)
Cool.

Little, okay, not on that one.

George B. Thomas (04:03.563)
I went to the store, and by the way, this highlight is based off of a low light. I went to the store and I was picking up like normal stuff, you know, like shampoo, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, you know, hygiene stuff. And I stopped by this aisle that had these like cushion, like inserts for your shoes, which I've never really like bought extra cushion, because I figured my shoes come with cushion and why would I?

But I was like, okay, I need to do something. So I'm gonna buy this cushion thing that goes in my shoes. And immediately when I put them in my shoes, I was like, my God, I'm walking on air. This is amazing. And I was like, I will probably continue to buy these for the rest of my life and add these to my shoes. But this highlight is based off of a low light. Now it's funny because Liz, you and I both have alluded to my changing of eating.

Liz Moorehead (04:45.421)
Welcome, welcome.

George B. Thomas (05:01.643)
And the fact that I went from like 311 down past 290s and now I'm in the 280s over the last 30 days. So, but and my body feels great, by the way, I don't feel any inflammation. My arthritis just doesn't seem to be acting up. But dang on it. I have this left heel. That feels like somebody is like sticking a steak

knife into my heel and it'll come and go it'll like if I'm walking around or if like I take a you know hot shower or whatever then it doesn't hurt but like if I sit for a long period time or if I stand for like too long in one place all of a sudden that heel it just and I'm like okay what did you just speak English I don't even know what that what that is

Liz Moorehead (05:34.829)
Liz Moorehead (05:52.076)
Plantar fasciitis?

Liz Moorehead (05:58.796)
So there's like a, you may wanna go get this checked out, but I had it, it's something called plantar fasciitis, which is, it sounds horrifying, it's not. It's just like a weird thing in your foot where like it, I can't remember if it's like a muscle knot or something like that, but it's like a big painful shooting pain and I have to be really careful if I've been sitting for too long or something like that. Yeah, it's probably just that.

George B. Thomas (06:17.579)
Yeah. Okay, okay. So I need to go get this checked out. But walking on air and giving an extra cushion has been helping. But here's what's frustrating to me is dank on it. I'm again, kind of like you're like twisted ankle. I'm doing everything I can to not be in pain. The way that I'm eating, the way that I'm moving, the way, and of course this, and I'm like, really? Can I just have a time where

Liz Moorehead (06:40.107)
So of course.

George B. Thomas (06:45.899)
It's not anyway, so that's the low light. my God, right? Like.

Liz Moorehead (06:47.244)
What's a brother gotta do to stay healthy? What's a brother gotta do to stay healthy? You're like, Lord, I'm eating all the beans, man, what's going on? Can we work something out?

George B. Thomas (06:53.995)
And what's funny is like I'm not doing this to lose the weight. I just happen to be losing the weight. My literal goal, and I've told people this, I'm just trying to live a life where I'm not in pain.

Liz Moorehead (07:06.413)
I immediately started losing weight the moment I stopped trying to lose weight. That's the whole thing that's wild about it.

George B. Thomas (07:10.379)
Yeah. Yeah. And so it's like, it's almost like God is jokingly be like, yeah, you can live without like 90 % pain, but here you go. And I'm like, come on.

Liz Moorehead (07:23.277)
I'm sending it to you now, plantar fasciitis is the inflammation of a certain type of tissue in your foot, which happens with overuse and some other things.

George B. Thomas (07:29.451)
Well, that would be...

Look at you using the word that I absolutely have come to hate. Inflammation of tissue. No, thanks. I appreciate that.

Liz Moorehead (07:37.675)
I know, I know. I'm here to help and hurt. I'm here to help and hurt. Okay. This week's topic, I am so, so excited. I know I say this about a lot of topics, but you could probably tell from my notes, Liz has some feelings about this issue.

George B. Thomas (07:49.483)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (07:55.787)
well what's funny is not only do you have feelings, but you're like, I think this should be two episodes before we even got here. And I was like, I'm down with that. And then when I started to do my research, I'm like, shoot, this episode could probably be two episodes and the episode after this could probably be two episodes. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (08:05.178)
yeah.

Liz Moorehead (08:16.522)
would be two episodes. I think we're gonna have to have this conversation about each part twice. We're gonna see where this ends up because this week, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking about honesty, specifically self -deception and dishonesty that manifests from within. So when we lie to ourselves, when we are dishonest with ourselves, because in our last episode, George,

George B. Thomas (08:21.867)
Yeah, probably. Yeah.

George B. Thomas (08:31.115)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (08:43.338)
we went through the superhuman framework, which is something that enables us to all live a life beyond our default, right? And for those who haven't listened to the episode yet, I strongly encourage you go back and listen to it. We talked about honesty as one of the core 10 pillars of this superhuman framework. Now, what's interesting about this discussion is that you pointed to two types of honesty, because when you initially brought it up, I was like, of course, be honest.

George B. Thomas (08:46.251)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (09:08.075)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (09:12.363)
Don't lie to people that have integrity. You know, like duh. So yes, George. Wow. not that it wasn't great the way you were talking about it. It was it. It's just like when I saw it on the list, I was like, of course it's there. But you went out of your way and you kind of did it in a very kind of not sneaky way, but you just kind of slid it in there that.

George B. Thomas (09:12.651)
Yeah.

Yeah, the no does of it. Yeah.

George B. Thomas (09:22.571)
Earth shattering, mind breaking.

George B. Thomas (09:28.075)
Yeah. Yeah.

George B. Thomas (09:34.027)
Mmm. yeah.

Liz Moorehead (09:39.018)
that there's also the challenge of being honest with ourselves. You just kind of like a quick throw away, excuse me, sir, what was that drive by? Sir, we need to come back and have a comp, I know. And you talked about how hard it can be to face one's own weaknesses, our own limitations, that you really need to push yourself to be self -reflective. So with that in mind, we are kicking off the two -part initial conversation about honesty, starting with our relationship that we have with ourselves about honesty.

George B. Thomas (09:45.611)
Yeah. Shots fired.

George B. Thomas (09:52.843)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (10:08.714)
and self -deception. Excited?

George B. Thomas (10:10.283)
Yeah. I, I. Yes, this is no, I am. I am excited. It's just that this has the potential. My goal, by the way, in many things that I do outside of this professional growth podcast, I live by this philosophy of simplify the complex. This could quickly become a complex conversation. And I'm trying to go at this, especially this first episode.

Liz Moorehead (10:14.217)
HAHAHAHA

George B. Thomas (10:39.083)
in a kind of simplified way, but a very no pun intended honest way of like the reason I did that drive by the reason I slid it in is because I have historically caught myself doing this. And well, anyway, we'll we'll get into it.

Liz Moorehead (11:00.778)
We're gonna get into it right now. In fact, I wanna start by asking you, in what ways have you observed or experienced personally with yourself how self -deception can manifest or wreak havoc in our lives?

George B. Thomas (11:14.891)
Yeah, I'm gonna get to your question in one second. Yeah, there's... Yeah, I know, I know. So, and we'll make sure we put this in the show notes. I've slacked Liz and I'm like, OMG, mind blown, like on this piece of content. And so I wanna start out with this thing of... So there's a thing called the Brothers Kiramatsos by Fyodor Dotsyevsky.

Liz Moorehead (11:17.865)
Of course, of course. You know what? On every podcast, George, you little rule breaker, but go ahead.

Liz Moorehead (11:32.201)
I watched it.

Liz Moorehead (11:44.585)
Dostoevsky.

George B. Thomas (11:44.683)
Which, yeah, which by the way is not the easiest of either of those names to say, but that's not the important part. The important part is that you remember what was written and that is, above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him or around him. And so loses all respect for himself.

and for others, and having no respect, he ceases to love." Now, if you have to rewind that and listen to that again, I want you to just realize there's some real key concepts there, and especially when I think about my life and the life that I've lived and the stories that we've been telling on this podcast. And so, when I heard the words, truth within or around, I was like,

Like that's really powerful because like we should be focused on the reality in which we're living, but understand that our reality is always changing minute by minute, second by second, day by day. And so we have this thing that we lean into where knowledge is truth, but knowledge is not truth. Knowledge can be true.

but it's not truth because everything's always changing. It was true once, but it doesn't mean it's true now. And we're just not historically good at like drawing a line between those two. The other one where it says in there, respect oneself. I can't imagine, well, no, I will say I can imagine living a life where you don't respect yourself.

Because the younger George, I lived a life where I didn't respect who I was, how I was showing up. Just like so I understand that. And I'm like, my God, that's the dark side. Like that's respecting myself is one of the things that I've been running towards. And this lack of respect for who I am and what I'm doing and how I'm showing is what I've been running away from. But Liz, if and I've said this several times in the podcast, like

George B. Thomas (14:06.539)
And outside of this podcast, by the way, why do you do what you do? Why do you show up the way you show up? What is your like underlying main core concept? And that is love, love yourself, love others. And so the fact that this ended with. You lose. You cease, they say the word is the you cease to love. I'm like, that was like a shocking.

punch in the face to me of like, my God. And the reason I think it's this shocking like punch in the face is because I realize how easy it is to lie to yourself. And once you start that pattern, how easy that can become you because you're practicing that pattern.

Liz Moorehead (14:56.617)
You know what's interesting? He also has another quote Dostoevsky because you're talking about what because he does those Russians man barrel of laughs super big rays of sunshine just walking around, particularly those Russian authors. But Dostoevsky also said lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. So the so the so the idea of self deception and self dishonesty is not only not only

George B. Thomas (15:05.515)
I'm telling ya.

Liz Moorehead (15:27.592)
terrifying in terms of its consequences, we're almost programmed that way, at least according to Mr. Sunshine.

George B. Thomas (15:33.899)
Right. Right. Well, yes, I don't disagree with this, with what you're saying. And so here's the thing. Again, if we start to put the pieces of the puzzle together of this podcast and of my life and of things that I talk about, I talk about a great master is always the best student. And what's funny is when I heard this, I went to, my gosh, this is actually how for me,

I've tried to divine the line between truth and true and versus knowledge being truth, but knowledge or truth being true at some point is that the master is always learning because they're being the student in life. But so this was like, this was like a part of the, I wanna research this, I wanna dig in more so I can add a layer on top of my own thoughts. And I immediately was like, God.

Like this, this whole topic is going to be crazy. So let me back up and go back into your question. And what ways have I observed or experienced with myself how self -deception can manifest? And you said wreck havoc in our lives, in my lives. And so I don't know if the listener's going to connect with this.

I feel like maybe many will. Some might not have the same problems. But immediately when you ask that question, Liz, I think of I'm weak. I'm not worthy. I'm unwanted. I'm a loser. I don't belong here. I'm stuck. my God, I've ruined my life. Like the problem with the way that we lie to ourselves, or at least that I lie to myself, is that it usually creates

either a toxic mental pit that is then easy to like get flowing in this downward spiral, or it might sound like something like this. I'm awesome. I'm the man. I've arrived. They're lucky I'm here. Right? And so the other side of this coin is it throws me into a journey ripe with ego.

George B. Thomas (17:54.315)
taking over my brain and who I'm actually showing. Even worse, we don't capture the fact that on both sides of these that in my case, I'm lying to myself. Or if you connect with this listeners or Liz, that you're lying to yourself. And I love this quote by Peter Shepherd that you put into our show notes.

The one that is self -awareness doesn't stop you from making mistakes. It allows you to learn from them. And that's the thing. When what I've had to figure out with self -awareness, especially around this topic of self -honesty is watching out for those two pillars of this toxic, easy to flow down, you know, negative, argh, argh, argh.

or this like hyper uplifting, egotistical, narcissistic side. And how can I spend time flowing between those in a more balanced way? The thing is, self -deception can mess with your head. When you tell yourselves these negative lies, you start to believe them. Like, again, if you run a narrative long enough,

in your own mind it becomes truth even though it's not true. And so you start to believe this, you begin to see everything through this dark distorted lens and it becomes almost this self -fulfilling prophecy. And I've seen people who get in this mode where it's like, it's just this is what happens to me, this is my life.

Liz Moorehead (19:17.637)
Mm -hmm.

George B. Thomas (19:39.147)
And many times I'll look at myself when I get into that mode or I'll look at others and I'll be like, you know, the best thing you can do right now is just get the hell out of your own way. Like get out of your own way because your mind is like creating this false reality that you believe is real. You see it as truth, but it's because your energy is flowing on it. Tony Robbins, he did an interview, I think it was with Lewis Howes, I think, if memory serves me correct.

Liz Moorehead (20:07.94)
Yep.

George B. Thomas (20:08.971)
And he said, I want you to look for everything brown that you can see in the room that we're in. And he could name things that were brown. And then he asked him to see things that were red. And he, okay, so, but then they talked about how he even made some things that were beige be brown and some things that were maroon be red just so he could win. Our brain is always trying to like make us see the things.

in a way, and it might not be truth, but we'll lie to ourselves and make it true so that we can get the outcome that we're looking for. And so we're convincing ourself or yourself that you're in a couple different ways not good enough, that you can't achieve your goals, that you're a failure because you've even tried to do the thing. And this negative self -talk can paralyze you, making you afraid to step out of your comfort zone.

and take risks. And so again, truth not being true becomes the hurdle mentally for you as you're trying to move forward down this road. It's it's it's let's let's not even use the word hurdle. It's like a mental pit of quicksand that slowly pulls you deeper and deeper until you feel completely stuck. And for anyone listening to this podcast and trying to live a life beyond their default or your default,

being paralyzed and in quicksand, ladies and gentlemen, it's not where we wanna be, right? And so that's the negative side for me. On the flip side, self -deception can also pump up your ego. Pump it up. I'd like wanna start singing, but I'm not going to. And when I say pump it up, I don't mean in a good way. I mean unhealthy levels. By the way, we went deep into this. If you want more on that topic of like the idea of ego,

Then you need to listen to episode 13 where we talk about good ego versus bad ego, what to do when you get too big for your britches.

George B. Thomas (22:09.739)
And they're done that. Anyway, yeah, it's by the way, I think that may be one of our it's pretty stinking powerful. I think it might be one of our most like in the top 10 of powerful like podcast episodes we did. But when you let this side of that coin grow, you start believing that you're invincible, that you've got everything figured out and that everyone else should be grateful just to be in the presence of you.

Liz Moorehead (22:11.394)
Oops.

George B. Thomas (22:36.939)
And while confidence is great, this inflated self -view can blind us to our weaknesses and prevent us from growing. And listen, if you're listening to this podcast, it's literally beyond your default. It is a personal growth podcast. If you are blind to your weaknesses and you're preventing yourself from growing, then frankly, you're wasting your time even listening to this podcast because you're probably lying about the things that you need to truly hear.

from the things that we're saying. Anyway, it can make you dismiss valuable feedback. It helps tremendously in a bad way alienate those around you. And ultimately it can lead to your downfall. And listen, it just like, when reality finally kicks in and hits you,

This is why all of a sudden you're like, man, why did life kick me in my beep? Because you were ignoring reality for so long on one of these sides. So whether you're spiraling down or you're riding high on a cloud of self -deception, neither extreme is healthy or sustainable. And I have found these two things that end up happening. You end up with a distorted self -perception.

of yourself, or maybe it's even something where you have this realization of your unhealthy behaviors. And we can talk about those deeper if we want, or we continue to move on. But those are two things that we should be kind of looking at and thinking about.

Liz Moorehead (24:21.281)
I love that. It makes me want. So I have a lot of thoughts. Number one, for a little while there, I thought you were just quoting Radiohead lyrics. You know, I'm a freak. I'm a weirdo. I'm also always going to be here, always going to be here for a pump it up Joe Budden reference, because that if you think I'm not now seriously considering putting Fast and Furious on in the background while I do work today, pump, pump, pump it up. Also, you.

George B. Thomas (24:32.011)
Yeah, good song by the way.

George B. Thomas (24:45.867)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (24:48.833)
You clearly read my newsletter that went out yesterday morning. Beyond Your Default. BeyondYourDefault .com forward slash newsletter. But let's move beyond that. Go subscribe.

George B. Thomas (24:53.803)
Maybe.

Go subscribe.

Liz Moorehead (25:02.337)
I, a lot of what you said really resonated with me. And I always find these types of questions interesting because you and I will look at the exact same question and then go on a, just go in completely different directions. Now this may be somewhat inspired by some of the work I've been really focusing on personally in my life, but you know what, I'll pull, I'm gonna pull back the curtain a little bit.

George B. Thomas (25:18.923)
interactions. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (25:31.392)
on how I write our newsletter because what will happen is usually I'll just be walking or somebody will say something and then all of a sudden the little brain machine starts going. It's like, where's my phone? Gotta grab it and I'll just start frantically typing into my notes app. Because you said something about that light bulb moment when you start to realize what's actually going on. I had one of those this weekend.

George B. Thomas (25:55.019)
Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (25:55.393)
And it inspired a little bit of writing, which is there's a moment when you realize the reason you are confused is because you are setting the conditions only for confusion to be possible. You are enabling confusion around you. You are waiting for answers to come to you instead of just going out and getting them. So ask yourself, why are you confused? Is it because you prefer the safety and insulation that comes with living within a cloud of confusion where all possibilities are still, well, possible? Or is there something you should be doing about it?

And so when I think about self -deception and dishonesty, the way I often see it manifest in my life is yes, a lot of the things that you touched on, right? The negative self -talk, the stories that we tell ourselves, those beliefs that then inform our thoughts, that then inform our actions, which is how we manifest either positively or negatively what our life looks like, right? Because there are two sides to that. You can tell yourself negative stories, which create negative thoughts, which create negative outcomes.

or you can tell yourself positive stories that create positive thoughts, that create positive outcomes. But when I think about self -deception honestly, I've often run into it the most situationally in addition to that. You know, what is actually happening in a situation, right? Like one of the things I like to say is feelings aren't facts, unless they are, unless they are. But usually what will happen is, for example, like let's say I have a disagreement with somebody.

George B. Thomas (27:16.127)
Mmm. Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (27:25.567)
I first need to understand, okay, what are the facts of the situation? What actually happened? What was actually said between us? And then I have my feelings in a separate spot over like to the left of the facts. And then my goal is to figure out, okay, are the feelings I'm having right now about the facts in the same spot as the facts? You know what I mean? Like, am I feeling appropriately given what occurred? Or,

Or are my feelings on another planet right now, light years from where the facts of the situation are? If so, what are my feelings try to tell me? And I need to pull those feelings back closer to reality. That's the only time I start feeling good about having a conversation about something that I'm not happy about. But often I will find myself in these weird kind of disconnected moments where...

I'm either leaning too heavily into my feelings and intuitively experiencing an experience which is colored by negative stories, negative self -talk, perceiving the absolute worst possible meaning in what somebody was saying to me about something, right?

and then I'll create imagined crises in my head.

That's usually the big way I see myself really struggling with this is that I'll have an improper or incorrect view on the situation, be absolutely assured of my rightness in that, and then become paralyzed and stuck with fear because it's already too late, or I don't know how to move forward, or it's an imagined crisis that doesn't even exist.

George B. Thomas (29:01.783)
Oof.

George B. Thomas (29:09.707)
Yeah. So it's it's so interesting, Liz, not to jump in here, but when you were talking about that, you unlock something in my brain, which I immediately started typing down because I didn't want to lose it. Based on what you were saying, my brain went to this. What are the facts? Question mark. What are my feelings? Question mark.

Liz Moorehead (29:14.368)
No, go for it.

George B. Thomas (29:37.195)
What are the fears driving those feelings? What do I need to forget? What do I need to foster? How do I forge ahead? Like putting things that happen in some type of rubrics like that, I think will help alleviate

some of the times that we easily do what we're talking about today, which is just self -deception. Flat out.

Liz Moorehead (30:08.704)
yeah. yeah. It's one of the things that over the past year I've worked really hard at specifically is saying, okay, there are the facts of a situation and then there are the feelings we have about the facts of a situation. How in alignment are they? And sometimes your fears and your facts or your feelings and your facts are gonna be well in alignment. I perceived him being a butt head. He was in fact a butt head. I don't feel great about him being a butt head. We're going to talk about it.

George B. Thomas (30:34.155)
Mm.

George B. Thomas (30:37.835)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (30:37.92)
And then other times it's the facts are kind of innocuous. Sure, you kind of disagreed. Your feelings are on another planet, Liz. What is that trying to tell you? What did that trigger within you? What is the deeper conversation you need to either have with yourself or them or whatever it is? There are two other ways that I see this really show up as well. And I see this a lot in my coaching. And we talked about your experience with this, right? Which is,

George B. Thomas (30:48.555)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (31:07.296)
we have a very strict idea of either what our identity is or what will be tolerated by the public when it comes to our identity. So for example, right now I'm working with a new content manager who's young, just a couple years out of college, super sweet girl, super nice, helping her out just as a favor to a friend. And what's been interesting is I've watched over three weeks her writing skyrocket. Like she literally sounds

George B. Thomas (31:24.139)
oooo

Liz Moorehead (31:36.672)
like a fundamentally different person. And she didn't change. I just was a verbal permission slip to her, like, you don't have to sound like that. Okay, whatever this weirdness is, whatever this weirdness is right now, I love this. You can be this. You can do this. This, come out. Say it. Say the quiet parts out loud. And her writing changed immediately. In fact, from week zero to week one, she created a new draft.

And the friend of mine who asked me to talk with her said, Whoa, okay, this worked. I'm like, well, God, I hope so. You went through this training too, dude. So it was, it was funny in that way. So there's this, there's this self deception about identity. Sometimes it's a matter of, well, we, we growing up folks, sometimes you only find out who you are by getting to know who you are through circumstance, time, life. Like there's that piece of it. But then there's the self deception of, I can't be this way out loud.

And I can't say those parts out loud. I can't do that. Yes, you can. In fact, the reason why you feel so much friction in your life is because you are exerting more effort to bring yourself 5 % to 20 % dimmer to make yourself more palatable. You don't actually have to learn a new skill. You just need to stop doing something that is making you exert too much energy. Fun fact. The last thing is something I have written about quite a bit.

It has been the drum that has caused most of my friends to say, please stop personally attacking me every week in your newsletter, sometimes twice a week if I'm feeling spicy. And that is getting really honest with what you want and what you don't want. In fact, there is a practice I shared earlier this week that is based off of a quote from Ernest Hemingway that is really actually it's advice for writer's block. That's where it came from.

And it says, write one true sentence, write the truest sentence you know. And so sometimes when I'm feeling stuck about a situation where I know a situation has now become a situation, my inner cupcake alarms are going off, everything in my body is saying alert, there is a call coming from inside the house, fire, fire, but I don't understand what's going on. I do not understand what's going on. I don't know if it's a feeling, I don't know if it's a fact.

Liz Moorehead (33:58.464)
I just know that the situation has now reached a critical mass where it must be addressed because it's taking up too much oxygen, too much energy. I will sit down and I will ask myself, what is the most one true sentence I know about this situation? I don't try to figure it out. I just try to think of the one thing that comes to mind that makes me immediately say that is the truth. And I've gotten some really interesting outputs from that. So those are my thoughts.

George B. Thomas (34:24.687)
Hmm

Liz Moorehead (34:27.232)
there and I see I see your brain has been cranking as I've been talking. boy. Okay, what you got?

George B. Thomas (34:30.859)
yeah. Yeah.

No, no, we'll just we'll just move on but there's definitely Again, we'll probably have a part two to this part one of the other part two that will have anyway, so Yeah, yeah Yeah

Liz Moorehead (34:42.016)
The part one to the part two to the part one. All right, well, let's get a little personal then. We've touched upon this a little bit already. How have you specifically, let's dig deeper. How have you specifically struggled with self -destruction and honesty in your life?

George B. Thomas (34:52.907)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (34:58.155)
Huh. Yeah, I hate this question. yeah, I, I've, I've always told myself the one demon that I couldn't beat was my weight.

Liz Moorehead (35:01.024)
It loves you too, George.

George B. Thomas (35:14.187)
Things like, I'm just big boned or even, God made me this way. And because this is an episode on honesty, if I'm going to be honest, chips, ice cream and hamburgers made me this way. Not God. Not getting up and moving my butt made me this way. And so, you know,

Liz Moorehead (35:14.24)
that it was part of your identity.

George B. Thomas (35:43.499)
If I stick to this conversation two years ago when I had lost 79 pounds, a friend and I both lied to ourselves and said, we're going to take a break for Thanksgiving and Christmas. What's funny is

I knew we were lying to ourself, even though we were lying to ourself. Like, it was this thing of like, I subconsciously looking back at it, realized I think I wanted off the hook, but I didn't really want off the hook. But it was a way that I could like, it was reverse accountability. We were both like, screw it. We want to eat all the, like, but in hindsight for me personally, it was like, I was,

Asking the demon I had been fighting and winning against to come back into my life and wreck complete havoc Which by the way ended up me in the hospital again Because we all know what happened I had a plan until I didn't Go listen to that episode if you're curious about what that means But again to be very honest

Historically, it's been easy for me to fall prey to this or any conversation around being healthy, losing weight, watching what I'm eating, watching the amount I'm moving. one cookie won't hurt. it's just a small bowl of chips.

George B. Thomas (37:19.339)
The other thing too that I think is easy to fall prey to is if you live in a world where it's always their fault.

George B. Thomas (37:33.355)
well, I'm sitting on this couch, smoking this joint, have drank those 12 beers because my math teacher told me I'd never amount to anything. I, yeah, I might as well. Let's do, you know what? I'm divorced because I had a roadmap before me in my family tree that showed me that it was, mm.

Liz Moorehead (37:46.56)
Might as well be the monster everybody said I am. Might as well just.

George B. Thomas (38:01.643)
See, here's the thing, if it's always their fault, then I, by the way, listeners, if you're connecting with this, you, but I'll just say, I have no reason to grow.

They should be the one growing. Yeah, they should be the one growing. It's their fault. It's not mine. So Liz, but also listeners, I have to ask in life now or historically, are you lying your way to staying small in life?

Liz Moorehead (38:15.968)
You're giving yourself a permission slip. You're giving yourself a permission slip to do nothing.

Liz Moorehead (38:40.122)
100 % absolutely. 100 %

George B. Thomas (38:42.155)
Because yeah, I have absolutely lied my way.

away from places I should go and into places I should have stayed away from in the effort to be safe but small. And...

I've had this throughout my entire personal journey, my entire personal journey where I've done this. And I've done it less for the last two years as far as like it's their fault versus like owning it and not giving myself that permission slip.

I've battled more with, obviously everybody knows the weight in the exercise over the last two years. It's very interesting to me too when we're having this very honest conversation, the amount that I've been working on my brain to which the lack I actually paid attention to my body and therefore the like looking forward the need for how do I balance both of those? Like how do I work on my brain and my body at the same time?

Liz Moorehead (39:54.042)
You were literally only a few months ago going, self care, what's that? That's for women. Like, that's...

George B. Thomas (40:00.682)
need none of that there's anyway Liz I'm gonna get off the hot seat what about you personally let's let's hear like how have you dealt with this over the years

Liz Moorehead (40:09.689)
What are you talking about? I'm a perfect angel. What are you talking about?

George B. Thomas (40:11.787)
yeah, okay, that section's over. Let's move on then.

Liz Moorehead (40:14.137)
No, no, let's take a flashback, George. Let's take a flashback to last week when you and I were in our evolved leadership group.

George B. Thomas (40:24.427)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (40:25.081)
And it was all about the ways in which we self -sabotage because you said something here that just triggered something that I actually didn't even have on my list of what I was going to be talking about today. But this is what makes this conversation so important because it's a death by paper cut situation, ladies and gentlemen. It's the little insidious ways that we allow, we've programmed ourselves to fall into these mental and habitual grooves of how we live our lives.

George B. Thomas (40:42.027)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (40:53.753)
based on these little lies we've told ourselves. I've noticed recently, and we've talked about this, like, I'm really starting to level up in a lot of different ways. I'm finally starting to put myself out there. I'm really starting to commit myself to, you know, I have become a little slashing and burning expert. I'm devoting my energy to this. This is out. And I actually had an argument with a friend of mine recently that I'm gonna get to about this in just a minute saying, you can't just decide. It's like, well, that's really funny, friend.

Because that just effing did. Look at that. It is possible. But when we were having this converse, mm -hmm, we were having this conversation during our evolved leadership group last week and your conversation just now reminded me of one of the biggest lies I've been telling myself because I've been noticing as I'm starting to move up, I'm feeling more friction, right? I'm becoming that lobster where my shell, lobster shells don't grow with them.

George B. Thomas (41:22.731)
Hmm

George B. Thomas (41:27.595)
Flipping of the switch, yeah.

Liz Moorehead (41:49.303)
They have to periodically break, they go under a rock, they break out of them like Hulk and then grow a new one. It's an incredibly vulnerable, painful process. And if they were human beings, we just pump them full of Percocets and be like, it's gonna be okay. Just like lay down for a little bit, you know? So I realized I was starting to get to that point, but of course leading up to that, I'm like, why does this hurt so much? Why are things suddenly getting harder? Why am I suddenly more afraid? I'm getting everything that I want. I'm getting everything that I want. And then finally,

George B. Thomas (41:51.459)
You

George B. Thomas (42:14.529)
Ooh.

Liz Moorehead (42:19.031)
Angus Nelson, who is leading this conversation, challenges us to say, what is one belief that is leading to your self -sabotage?

And I don't know what possessed me to say it out loud, but I did, but I dropped into the chat. I have made so many mistakes and I have made hurt so many people, not intentionally. Like I don't go out into the world being like, F you guys. No, but I was living a life not beyond my default. I was living in a fear based prison, making a lot of fear based choices. And when that happens, people get hurt. I've apologized to these people. I've worked hard to make amends.

George B. Thomas (42:41.659)
Right, right.

Liz Moorehead (42:58.519)
But I had the big fear of someone's gonna look at me being successful and say I don't deserve it. And maybe they're right.

George B. Thomas (43:06.603)
Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (43:08.12)
And that was the permission slip I had given myself to stay small, to continue to engage in self -sabotaging practices. Because I've noticed I'm now in a space in my life right now, particularly in the past few months where I am genuinely getting everything I want. It's not that I'm slipping, but I'm not as dialed in. I'm not as there. And it's because I'm trying to protect myself.

And so I've been trying to run at this particular area of self -deception in my life, particularly over the past few weeks. It's why I keep writing about it. It's why I keep talking about it. You know how some people process internally? I don't do that. I write. If you would like to know how I'm doing, just read the newsletter. That's usually a pretty big clear indication. I'm always curious. You and I will have to talk one day. Like sometimes an issue will disappear and be like, so that's Liz, are you well? How's it going? Is this a cry for help?

George B. Thomas (43:53.319)
Right

George B. Thomas (44:03.915)
Mm -hmm.

Right.

Liz Moorehead (44:06.999)
But the other thing I will say is I had an experience over the weekend that really exemplifies what I was talking about earlier for me in terms of how I struggle with self -deception.

Liz Moorehead (44:19.895)
That little piece about confusion that I wrote is based on a real true Hollywood story. I was on a conversation with a friend of mine and I was really upset about something that had happened the week prior. I was crying, I was upset. I had had a conversation with someone in which I didn't understand what was happening. I felt like...

George B. Thomas (44:25.355)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (44:43.286)
I felt like I had triggered something and I didn't have all the facts of the situation and I kind of ended up on the receiving end of stuff. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know. But I'm going to go find out. Because what was interesting is a friend of mine said, well, what happened? And I said, well, I'm still not quite sure. And he said, well, can you just tell me the facts? Don't try to editorialize. Just take me through the conversation. And periodically, he would just go, well, that's not OK.

George B. Thomas (44:58.955)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (45:13.941)
that's not okay either. This doesn't make any sense. I'm like, -huh. He said, how long did this go on for? And I said, about an hour. And he said, what? Liz, I know you. How did this person get five minutes beyond what they were doing without you telling them politely but directly to go to hell and then leaving? And I said, well, it's because it's so -and -so.

George B. Thomas (45:34.439)
Hmm

Liz Moorehead (45:41.013)
Probably if it were somebody else, yes, but because it's so -and -so, I'm not gonna do that. He said, you're gonna call me in two days because you're clearly still processing, but I'm gonna put it on your calendar. You're going to call me in two days and you're gonna tell me everything that was wrong with what you just said.

George B. Thomas (45:56.831)
Interesting.

Liz Moorehead (45:58.679)
I called him back and I said, I know you expected me to come on here and tell you the thing I said wrong is that I'm making an exception for this person. I agree and disagree with you. I am fine with having made an exception with this person, but I am clearly at a point where I need to go have a conversation because I would not go back and have a do over where I would just say, go to hell and leave. I probably would have handled a lot of things differently.

But I need to now go have a conversation because I had allowed confusion to become a norm in this particular circumstance. Because I had a fear I was lying to myself. It wasn't that I was being kind. It wasn't that I was trying to, you know, whatever or, you know, it was because I was afraid what will happen when I, if I actually stand up for myself the way I want to stand up for myself, what am I gonna find out?

George B. Thomas (46:35.171)
Mm.

Liz Moorehead (46:57.27)
And so I realized I had been choosing comfort over clarity in this particular connection. But the thing is, is that I don't think either of us are doing very well with the confusion that has been kind of become a norm between us. I don't think either of us are doing really great with it because I've allowed it to persist. Because I have turned off the switches where I typically go out and say, hi, we're going to have a conversation. So you know what I did? George, you would be so proud.

George B. Thomas (46:57.746)
Ooh.

Liz Moorehead (47:26.71)
Friday night I sent a text and I said, I promised I would always be direct and honest when I'm not happy. So this is me saying I'm not happy. In fact, I'm quite hurt and confused. Please let me know at your earliest convenience when we can meet in person. I'm happy to work around your schedule. We need to talk, but we're going to do this face to face.

George B. Thomas (47:34.767)
You

Liz Moorehead (47:49.11)
So we will be talking next weekend. So it's an interesting.

George B. Thomas (47:52.734)
I can't wait. I can't wait for like the part two of that. Like, what the heck? That's a cliffhanger right there. But but Liz, what's funny is I

Liz Moorehead (48:00.454)
yeah.

George B. Thomas (48:03.819)
You know how we're starting to put together quotes and we're going to do like some graphics with quotes of things that people say? I literally jotted down a note. Comfortable confusion over clarity based on my fears, Liz Morehead. Like, how many people live in that space? I'd rather have comfortable confusion than clarity in my life because I'm afraid of X, Y, Z, A, B, C, or one, two, three.

Liz Moorehead (48:06.87)
yeah.

Liz Moorehead (48:19.318)
yeah

Liz Moorehead (48:33.238)
it was that moment of, the call is actually coming from inside the house. I have set the conditions for confusions to become the norm. I have not, like, we talk a lot about defaults not being good. Some of them are good. My default is to run at something. My default is to point at something and say, hi, excuse me, what is this? And I wasn't doing it. I wasn't doing it because there's something, I have a fear around whatever this is.

George B. Thomas (48:38.219)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (48:55.691)
Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (49:02.646)
And so we're gonna have a conversation about it. And I'm very, I personally am also very interested to see where it goes because what's funny to me is once you start doing the things you said you never were going to do, life starts getting really interesting. Life starts getting really, really interesting because I'm sitting here going like, because if you flip that switch in one area of your life, I turned on one light in this particular conversation that unrolled over the past week or so.

George B. Thomas (49:19.755)
Mm -hmm.

Liz Moorehead (49:31.19)
And all of a sudden it's given me confidence in other areas to be more direct, which I love. All right. So back in the hot seat, George, what are the methods and practices you recommend for individuals who are looking to gain a more clear or more honest understanding of themselves? Because that was the big point you made, right? You have to go out of your way. You have to push yourself to be self -reflective, to see ourselves from that

George B. Thomas (49:38.987)
Yep.

Liz Moorehead (50:01.078)
realistic external perspective.

George B. Thomas (50:03.09)
Yeah, which by the way, I just want everybody to know as I go through this, this is more of like a, un -randomized version of what I'm attempting to do and things that I try to keep in mind. Then like, hey, I'm awesome and on the mountaintop and you should

Liz Moorehead (50:14.486)
Hehehehehe

George B. Thomas (50:20.939)
No, that is not what this is. But I would say setting aside regular time for self -reflection is key. Like, you know it, we live in a busy world. There's always something to do, something to scroll. Like, there is a way, a lot of ways for us humans to escape. But when you set aside a regular time for self -reflection, you can use that time to think about your goals.

More importantly, maybe your values and maybe even more importantly than that, the behaviors and find out are your behaviors actually matching your values and your goals and where you're trying to get. Anyway, as yourself kind of like ask questions like what are my core values or what do I want to achieve in the next year?

Getting these focuses can kind of help you align your actions with your true self. I'm purposely pausing there because I feel like there are people out there who have the self that they show everybody and they have the self that is them. And too many times we've easily fallen into this lying to ourself.

or this self -deception that you're showing up 80, 70, 95 % of the time as the self you think they want instead of the self that you are. I might even suggest that you pair this time with the time of meditation and mindfulness, right? Again, giving your time for this mindfulness and meditation, it'll help you become more aware of your thoughts.

Liz Moorehead (51:54.806)
Mm -hmm.

George B. Thomas (52:12.779)
maybe more importantly, your feelings and being, by the way, aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Like kick that negative guy or gal in your brain that is always telling you the negative things that I kind of started this podcast with that I deal with out of your brain and and regularly practice this time of self -reflection and mindfulness so that you can even

I want you to try to start to observe like your mental processes because this can really reveal how we as humans often deceive ourselves. Apps like Headspace or Calm can help guide you through this basic meditation. My personal favorite is actually Headspace. Got it on my phone. Love it to death. Yeah. I've the next thing that I've.

Liz Moorehead (53:01.782)
Double click on that, love Headspace, that's my favorite.

George B. Thomas (53:06.859)
gonna talk about because I think it's important to talk about. I have not historically done this third one, but the further we get into this, boy, I'm really being vulnerable right now.

Liz Moorehead (53:21.142)
Do it. Let the love flow through you.

George B. Thomas (53:24.363)
So listen, I've historically sucked at this. My daughters have even challenged me that I'll probably never do this. But the further we get into this beyond your default journey,

George B. Thomas (53:43.435)
First of all, I hope people realize that the conversations that we have when we get on this mic are not easy. Like...

Anyway, the further we get into this beyond your default journey, the more I'm strongly considering this.

And that is spending time with a professional therapist who can help explore my thoughts, your thoughts, my behaviors, your behaviors in a deeper way. Because an app is great in everything, but a human that is educated on how to extract the things that we need to extract out of our own brains and how to deal with them in a healthy way is pretty huge. Now, I've been

Over the last, what, 43 episodes, Liz and I have been extracting things out of our brain and we've been doing the best we can to like...

figure them out and work on them and fix them, but I might be getting to the point where I'm like, you know what, maybe I just need a pal to talk to, AKA a therapist, to unpack and do some more deep digging. If I'm truly trying to show up as what I'm asking others to do, and that is live a life beyond your default or beyond my default.

George B. Thomas (55:11.403)
I may need a guide or assistance, right? From everything, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (55:15.094)
You know, I want to throw something out there for you, George, that may be helpful. And it may be helpful for our listeners, particularly those of the entrepreneurial set, because I know it's weird, right? Entrepreneurs, we are often consultants. We are not afraid to be hired as an expert. We are in coaching classes. We are constantly feeding our minds with experts.

George B. Thomas (55:29.675)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (55:43.446)
therapist is just another kind of expert, my guy. It's just another guy, it's just another guy or gal on a board of directors who is an unbiased third party who went to school to understand the brain, how we think and how we feel. That's really fundamentally all there is to it. And that's one of the reasons I like therapy quite a bit is that I can show up with someone who is not emotionally invested in

George B. Thomas (55:46.379)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (56:10.163)
any of the players of this whole circus, including me to some degree, and I know I will get an unbiased, academically backed, experienced idea or thought. And so if you're someone who's out there who's like, well, I can't do therapy, that's for people who need hugs. No, this is just adding to your board of directors as a human being.

George B. Thomas (56:25.163)
Yeah. Yeah.

George B. Thomas (56:36.267)
Yeah, yes. And I think hearing that is great, awesome, helpful. And again, everything that we've said in the past and I hear other people talk about and have read up on this, because I'm like, really, do I want to do this? Do I need this? I like this idea of it. It provides me listeners, if you decide to do this, a safe space to discuss. But more than that,

to receive guidance on the issues that we might be dealing with. And again, I might implement this in my life. I haven't flipped the switch. I haven't made a hard decision, but it's definitely something where I'm like, at 52, it might be time, which is really weird, because some might think that, yo, it's too late, bro. But I'm like, nah, maybe not. Either way, no matter what you as a listener decide, what I decide to do,

to improve our honesty of ourselves. I do want to emphasize that we should be focusing on, and I have a hard time with this, but it is something that we need to do. We need to emphasize that we should focus on being kind to ourselves along the way.

Listen, it's not if but when or you are going to find times that you've deceived yourself and it might make you mad. Like rage mad, like frustrated, like

But the only thing I'm asking of myself and I'm asking of you is when you discover these areas where you've been less than honest to yourself, by the way, we'll talk about less than honest to others next week, but less than honest to yourself, have some self -compassion and treat yourself with the same kindness and understand that you would offer a friend.

George B. Thomas (58:47.755)
recognize that everyone has flaws, acknowledge those flaws, take that first step for improvement, and like every rest of the step for the journey of growth that we're all on. So like just be kind to yourself as you figure out how to navigate this journey or implement things like mindfulness or time or therapy.

Liz Moorehead (59:19.888)
George.

I'm so freaking proud of you. I'm so, I very rarely get to be the one who says that. So I'm just going to take this moment because well, no, because I think what you're doing is you're setting a good example. I think so often, you know, what was interesting is, and I wrote about it this in that newsletter I wrote last week, beyondredefault .com, so word slash newsletter, is that often when I would talk, often when I would do that practice of what is that one true sentence, right? The truth was very rarely something new.

George B. Thomas (59:24.811)
Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah.

George B. Thomas (59:49.419)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (59:53.259)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (59:54.)
It was very rarely something new. It was something, once I said it out loud, I went, yeah, my body in some way has been saying this for days, for weeks, for months, for years. This is not brand new information. But what you did there is the output of that work, is that so often the reason we self -deceive is because there is something

George B. Thomas (01:00:07.051)
Hmm.

George B. Thomas (01:00:11.467)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (01:00:22.834)
unpalatable about saying the truth out loud. It's not that we don't know what the truth is in some cases. In some cases, we really are. We've got blinders. There's something you're still figuring stuff out. You're still growing. There's something. Maybe there's some sort of deeper thing. But in other cases, the only lie you're telling yourself is just not saying it out loud. You already know. You already know what that truth is. So I just want to point out for our listeners, like sometimes this is what it takes just to say it out loud.

George B. Thomas (01:00:42.451)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (01:00:52.497)
This is the truth. This is where we are. This is where we're going. So I loved that. So I do have a question though, because, and this is something I fall prey to. So I'm sure when you saw this question, you went, fantastic. But this is a question for a, I know, this is a question for a friend. And by friend, I mean me. Because this is a problem I fall into, right? There's, how do we differentiate between constructive self -criticism, right? Where it's a,

George B. Thomas (01:00:52.587)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (01:00:56.523)
Thank you.

George B. Thomas (01:01:06.379)
Best question ever.

Liz Moorehead (01:01:21.009)
I should do this, it's time for growth list, get your ish together, you know, like boop, boop, boop. And harmful self -deception, right? The type where we start telling ourselves the negative stories that do what you were talking about at the beginning of this episode. Where's that line?

George B. Thomas (01:01:36.523)
Yeah. Yeah, actually, believe it or not, Liz, this is a great question. I actually saw this and I was like, I love this question. I'm glad we're going in this direction. So understanding the difference between constructive self -criticism and harmful self -deception, it's an important piece to unlock and to understand for personal growth or

Liz Moorehead (01:01:41.873)
George B. Thomas (01:02:04.171)
Again, maybe more important, our own personal mental well -being, which by the way, this question probably leans into the reason that I wanted to do this side of honesty before the normal side that most people think around honesty is that that's lying to others. Buddha said there are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth, not going all the way and not starting. So,

Here's how I look at these two items and how I hope this conversation helps the listeners of today's podcast. Constructive self -criticism is growth oriented, offering specific feedback aimed at improvement and learning. Now listeners, the keywords there are improvement and learning.

that I want you to focus on. Constructive self -criticism provides actionable insights delivered with, which is why I made a big point a couple minutes ago, self -compassion. Acknowledging both our strengths and the weaknesses that we have. And listeners, I just want to make sure that you heard that part. Actionable insights delivered with self -compassion.

So this type of self -criticism motivates positive change and leads to progress in our lives, ultimately enhancing self -esteem and creating a balanced self -view, keyword balanced, of oneself. Because literally at the beginning I painted the picture of the chasm of ego versus like toxic waste dump. On the other hand, harmful self -deception

involves denying or in many cases rationalizing away the truth so that you as the human can avoid discomfort or, been here done that, protect your ego. Maybe by the way that the ego that you shouldn't be protecting. Harmful self -deception often results in a generalized blame. it's

George B. Thomas (01:04:32.395)
everybody's fault. Negative emotions and honestly a distorted self view either inflating abilities that you think you have. My grandpa's code is totally coming back to mind where he'd be like, don't let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird butt. Like you think you got skills, bro, but I'm about to show you.

If you don't shut up that you ain't got no skills. God, I miss my grandpa. He had he had some zingers. But this inflated ability or unrealistic idea of who you are or even hand in hand with this like diminishing self worth might be what comes out of this. In my opinion, both of.

those by the way that I just talked about are red flag warnings to the fact that you officially are no longer on your beyond your default path. Like, as a sharp corner, shoot, we're in a ditch. We're stuck. This harmful self -deception can lead to stagnation or being stuck, decreased self -esteem and a lack of motivation. Ever been there?

Listeners, I just can't get motivated. To address and learn from our mistakes. So we need to try to double down honestly on this constructive self -criticism while we're on this growth journey that we're talking about today. To help grow our constructive self -criticism, we all need to practice, again, self -compassion by treating ourself with kindness and understanding.

Liz Moorehead (01:05:58.383)
Nah.

George B. Thomas (01:06:23.146)
just as we would any other human being, friend, family, coworker, we need to get in the habit of like seek, I'll use the word objective, seek objective and valuable feedback. Be careful on this one though, because sometimes you gotta know the source, right? It has to be a trusted source, friends, family, coworkers, therapist.

so that we can gain a balanced perspective of our strengths and areas for improvement as we move forward. Regular reflection on our actions and decisions, setting realistic goals and celebrating small successes along the way can help us build this positive feedback loop in our lives, which if you're honest with yourself, if you have to pause this podcast, do it.

you might not even need that long. I want you to ask, do you even have any type of feedback loop in your life at all? And is it a positive feedback loop? Are you listening to the world around you, the people around you, the thing inside of your brain, your core, your consciousness, your little still small voice? Do you have a

feedback loop or are you just rolling through life? Making sure that we balance criticism with praise will help us maintain a healthy self view while again practicing this idea of mindfulness to stay away or stay aware, whichever direction you need to go, of your thoughts and feelings, again without judgment.

keeping us on this path of our journey versus again, ending up stuck in a ditch along the way, which by the way, you might've been stuck in the ditch when you picked up this podcast. That might've been the reason, like I just feel stuck. I need something to get me past it. Hey, let me become a listener of Beyond Your Default. Liz, thoughts?

Liz Moorehead (01:08:49.068)
You know, I loved what you said there just at the end because I was about to say something else, but you may have picked up this podcast at a moment, you know, where life got really hard. And we've always been radically honest about our journeys on this podcast. And if it helps to hear, I started recording this podcast with George in an emotional ditch. We put it at seven in the morning on Mondays.

George B. Thomas (01:09:11.403)
Hehehehe

Liz Moorehead (01:09:18.188)
partly because it was when we had time, and it also made sure that my depressed ass got out of bed and actually would start the week.

Liz Moorehead (01:09:29.676)
It's not that I wouldn't have shown up for work, but like mentally it forced me. It didn't matter how I was feeling on Mondays at 7 a My butt was out of bed and we were having a conversation. And I was sitting here on this mic having genuine, truthful, sincere conversations with all of you, but often in the fetal position. Sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally. Ready to vomit all the time. But that's what this is all about.

George B. Thomas (01:09:50.891)
Ready to throw up.

Liz Moorehead (01:09:59.308)
You know, I think we walk around and we, when we see people have informed dialogues, the way we're having about life and what it means to pursue it, right? What it means to break generational patterns, to break habits, to forge new ones. This is painful, bloody work sometimes. And no one you're seeing who is having any of these conversations with any sort of authority,

George B. Thomas (01:10:00.011)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (01:10:22.331)
Mm.

Liz Moorehead (01:10:29.134)
isn't in their own way going through the ish. Like this is, this is kind of part of the package deal, you know? And so I think what happens is we lie to ourselves and we say, well, everybody else is on this journey, but I'm doing it wrong.

George B. Thomas (01:10:30.539)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (01:10:46.509)
I'm different. I even catch myself sometimes when we're talking on this podcast going, am I really even in the position to be having these conversations when I have a laundry list of these are the things I'm afraid of and I'm still not confronting yet, right? And I think we all have that. We're all walking around thinking everybody's got all this stuff figured out. And so we lie to ourselves and say, sure, I'm on this journey, but I'm never gonna get there. I'm always gonna be different. There's always gonna be something

George B. Thomas (01:11:03.739)
Yep.

George B. Thomas (01:11:12.979)
Mmm.

Liz Moorehead (01:11:16.621)
behind the curtain.

George B. Thomas (01:11:19.563)
Doesn't have to be.

Liz Moorehead (01:11:20.909)
Doesn't have to be. And the funny thing is it's probably not. Like anything you have behind the curtain, maybe we have different stuff behind our curtain. Everybody's got a curtain. Everybody's got a few things in their past where it's like, maybe they talk about it out loud like it's behind them, but it's still sometimes haunts them in the present day. They still sometimes go.

George B. Thomas (01:11:24.395)
Right.

George B. Thomas (01:11:40.235)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (01:11:44.333)
It's okay. It's okay.

George B. Thomas (01:11:46.955)
But you know what, one of my favorite movies is Eight Mile. I love Eight Mile because I love where Eminem is like, here's all my ish. Now what you got? Like if you're willing to be honest enough with yourself that you're honest with the world, what do they got? You have nothing to hide from because you've said it. It's out there.

Now you can literally move forward freely. Anyway, yeah.

Liz Moorehead (01:12:19.853)
No, I love that because this is what I wrote in yesterday's edition. Because I was talking about regrets and how sometimes what will happen is when we have these light bulb moments, all of a sudden we're like, we're too late. I screwed up. They'll never listen. Da da da da. Although immediately the negative stories start piling on. I wrote, your pain isn't here to rub in your face your missed opportunities and everything you've done wrong. Your pain is trying to tell you this is your do over. This is your second chance. If back then had been the right time, you would have taken action.

George B. Thomas (01:12:48.491)
Hmm.

Liz Moorehead (01:12:48.652)
but you weren't ready, now you are. Don't regret that it took you so long to get here wherever that here may be. This journey took exactly as long as it needed to take because you are only standing where you are right now, knowing what you know, feeling what you're feeling, loving who you're loving and chasing what you're chasing because of every single step you took to get to this moment. So instead of dwelling on everything you should have done, maybe you should ask yourself what makes now the perfect.

George B. Thomas (01:13:13.29)
It's funny because, I mean, just racing right to the front of my brain when you were reading that, I can't tell you the amount of times I got asked.

So do you wish you would have started your business five years earlier? And my response is like, no, no, actually I don't because that time was the perfect time.

Liz Moorehead (01:13:35.048)
yeah, it was all perfectly timed. We're only sitting here on this podcast because of a layover on our way to Frankenmuth, Michigan. In which we both said to the first time after nobody else other than probably nearest and dearest, so I'm thinking of going out on my own. And then we were off to the races. But George, I wanna end today's conversation with a flip side of this because we've been kicking over a lot of rocks, we've been kicking over a lot of dirt. So the flip side of this question is,

George B. Thomas (01:13:37.899)
Yeah.

Yep, yep.

George B. Thomas (01:13:51.659)
Yeah.

George B. Thomas (01:14:00.299)
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (01:14:04.876)
What is the benefit you really see of pushing ourselves to be radically honest from within first, even and especially when it's uncr -

George B. Thomas (01:14:14.763)
Yeah, I love this question because it feels like by asking this question, one might be trying to reach the next level or the highest level on this self honesty conversation in their life. And so hopefully the listeners are asking themselves the same question. Obviously, we're going to answer it. But if you've reached, if you're not ready for it yet, cool.

But if you've reached that level, like it's like, okay, now we're gonna unpack the baggage, which by the way, you can go back and listen to the episode where we talk about traveling in your life with like excessive baggage. Episode three, believe it or not, way back when, the default, the baggage, the destination, and the importance of the beyond. If you're ready to unpack that baggage around this conversation, then...

I'm proud of you. So the first thing that I think about when you ask this question is that practicing radical honesty can really boost our personal integrity. Like bottom line, when you're radically honest with yourself, your actions align more closely with your true values and beliefs. Because sometimes our actions are just not.

aligned with our values and beliefs because we're willing to do things, say things, lie to ourself because of this misalignment. This alignment gives you a greater sense of integrity and self -respect. By the way, self -respect, like Mario Brothers, you know how you get those little power -ups and all of a sudden he becomes like huge Mario? Self -respect is life's

Liz Moorehead (01:16:06.412)
Yup.

George B. Thomas (01:16:09.195)
power up for you like Mario's special because you're living consistently with the principles that you want to follow as you go through this life. It reduces internal conflicts and it fosters a sense of coherence and purpose in your life, which by the way, purpose again is a massive power up. If you're doing something just to do it versus you feel like it's your

purpose to do it and that's why you're on the planet, AKA this podcast, this community, this newsletter, like this is a thing of purpose. This is why we're willing to go through conversations like today.

But what's funny is when you reduce those internal conflicts and you have this like power up of purpose, it makes this beyond your default journey way less complicated. Emotional resilience, Liz, is the next thing that I think of and is another huge benefit of being radically honest.

By regularly confronting uncomfortable truths, you literally mentioned earlier in the podcast, by the way, comfortable confusion. By regularly confronting uncomfortable truths, you become more comfortable with discomfort. Which by the way, being comfortable with discomfort is a magical place to get to in your life. Being comfortable with discomfort, which then builds emotional resilience, this

ability to kind of handle difficult emotions and situations with honesty. By the way, go back to the story that you were telling about, but we're going to have a conversation about this. The ability to handle difficult emotions and situations with honesty reduces the anxiety and stress that come with avoidance and denial.

Liz Moorehead (01:18:01.869)
Mm -hmm.

George B. Thomas (01:18:16.555)
Listeners, what are you avoiding today?

What are you denying today? What is that thing for you? That chasm that you need to get over? Like facing reality head on can be incredibly liberating and it promotes a sense of calm and stability in your life. By avoiding and denying, you are causing yourself to live in a life where it's almost impossible.

to find calm and stability in your life. When you have that in your life, by the way, you're also unlock a better ability to make decisions. And by the way, that's another thing that I think when asking this question about the benefits or what benefits us to be radically honest with ourselves is better decision making.

It's definitely an advantage that you'll notice with radical honesty. Being truthful with yourself gives you clarity and insight. Again, Liz, you mentioned over -clarity based on my fears, right? So being truthful with yourself gives you clarity and insight, helping to see situations more clearly and make more informed decisions.

George B. Thomas (01:19:50.507)
This helps you evaluate your options. It helps you evaluate your actions without distortions or biases or, and watch out for this one, ladies and gentlemen, wishful thinking, leading to more effective and rational choices that you make along the way. In the long run, radical honesty

contributes to overall wellbeing. And by addressing the root causes of your behaviors and attitudes through honest self -assessment, you can make sustainable positive changes in your life. And that's what we're here for on this podcast, by the way. This Beyond Your Default Journey is about sustainable

positive changes in your life, in our lives, in, in...

You just need to be able to unlock this ability to have sustainable, positive change in your life. Being radically honest with yourself, make sure that you live in alignment with your true self and your true values, enhancing your happiness and your fulfillment along the way.

Being honest with yourself helps you feel more true to who you are, which boosts your mental and emotional health. This leads to a happier and more successful life and a very powerful approach to a journey beyond your default. Being honest with yourself helps you feel more true to who you are. Do you wanna feel more true to who you are?

George B. Thomas (01:21:54.763)
Do you wanna have a happier and more successful life? Do you wanna live a life that has powerful approach to it?

George B. Thomas (01:22:08.907)
You only can answer those questions. Only, only you can answer those questions. So listeners, I challenge you to give yourself, and Liz, I'm gonna steal something that you said earlier from the show. Listeners, I challenge you to give yourself a verbal permission slip to not lie to yourself along this journey beyond your default.